he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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