you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
