apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
