Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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