420 ftw
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
