You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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