Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
