Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
