ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
