Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
