Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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