morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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