Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
