you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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