I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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