It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
