You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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