Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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