Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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