Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
