Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
