i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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