you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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