i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
