I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
