Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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