My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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