I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
