Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
