Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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