I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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