FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
