before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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