You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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