This girl is more easily done than said...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
