Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
