she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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