Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
