you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
