and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
