Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
