I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
