The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm like, not good at living.
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