I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
