**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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