oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
