Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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