i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
