Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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