Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
