It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
