A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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