I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Randomize
