I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
