I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
