don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
