i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
