ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
