I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize