Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
