just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
