Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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