I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
