it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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