Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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