I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
