When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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