mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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