I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
