I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
