please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
