last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
