so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
