considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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