apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
