I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
