hell yes lets make some ravioli
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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